609. My ex-boyfriend and had a 1 year relationship, and we loved each other so very much, but we broke up over something stupid, and he and I have pretty much been talking again after like, a 8 month break up. He told me he’d missed me, and we hang out, and he invites me over to watch tv and play games and have dinner with his family and everything, but it’s been like, 2-3 months already, and he’s yet to pop the question. What the fuck is his problem? We have sex once in awhile, is he just in it to have sex with me, or what’s going on?

“POP THE QUESTION” as in marrying you or ask you to be his girlfriend? It means your his booty call for whenever he wants something OR he’s taking it slow. He’s probably using you. If he wanted to be dating you right now, you would be dating, trust me. He gets to do whatever he wants without making a decision yet, & you have to let him. ACT LIKE A LADY. If you’re not dating then don’t act like it. Be nothing more than a friend, physically & mentally. If he wants you, he will go after you, if he doesn’t then he won’t, but I promise it’s for the best. Don’t let him use you, be a smart strong woman. Even though you guys have already had a relationship & have had sex, you should leave something to be desired or achieved. AND not just sex, but promising exclusivity, or spending a lot of time together, or doing him extra favors. If you’re basically acting like his girlfriend without having the title, he will take advantage of that. There’s no motivation for him to “pop the question” if he can have you without the actual commitment of having a girlfriend. OR maybe I’m wrong.. maybe he’s not in it for just the sex, if he is inviting you over for dinner with his family. Unless you have sex EVERY time you go hang out, then I doubt that’s it. Maybe you should stop having sex with him. If you let him have his cake & eat it too, then he’s never going to find the need to date you again. Don’t give him the benefits of being in a relationship if you two aren’t actually in one anymore. So, maybe he thinks you guys are just a casual thing, you should really state how you feel & issue boundaries. I think you should confront him or tell him that if he doesn’t want to make anything real out of this then you should move on because you can do much better, & if he says he wants to have something out of it make him prove himself to you & tell him you won’t put out for him until’ he has proven his committment. I would try this. Tell him you’re not comfortable having sex until’ you guys are officially in a relationship, that you just don’t feel right about it. Then start to back off slowly. Don’t take his call every single time. When he asks where you’ve been, create some mystery by saying you were “out with a friend”. When he wants to hang out, be busy! But don’t act mean or nasty - be very sweet as you usually are. Once he starts to see you distancing away, he will make his move. But if you just keep messing around, mix signals will be sent & you’ll probably end up getting hurt. Don’t let things get too confusing because then you’ll have nothing at all. I hope I helped! Best luck to you. :)